Wednesday 8 April 2015

Conversations

‘’Looks are ephemeral’’ he said. ‘’They’re fleeting and vanity is the domain of the young. With old souls like us, we see beyond those physical limitations and into the mind of the unknowing limitless and vast internal beauty. But internal beauty sounds so cliché doesn’t it? What’d be a good word or phrase for that?’’

‘’Why is internal beauty so cliché?’’ she asked.

‘’Everyone says it!’’ he replied, a bit defensively. ‘’A better word would be ‘real beauty’ I suppose.’’

She may have smiled, and asked, ‘‘and what do you consider to be ‘real beauty’?’’

‘’The ability to see good in others, the ability to be kind to people who the world usually ignores, to be simple and rooted and find that humility is a step towards a life that can be fulfilling, and to just be able to smile. And laugh. And worship at the altar of the god of mirth and magic.

Mind you I don’t profess to possess any of those capacities, but I sure do try to work towards them.

And from what I’ve gathered, so do you’’, he finally concluded.

Two minds and two hearts let out a sigh at that very moment in a moment of serendipitous ecstasy.






Monday 23 March 2015

Nero's Guests

I was watching a documentary earlier this evening, titled Nero's Guests by veteran journalist P. Sainath (link provided below), who also happens to be a personal hero of mine. He’s known for highlighting the plight of the farmers of central and southern India who are facing the onslaught of corporatization of agriculture the world over that is causing a flood of suffering in poorer countries. These countries just don’t have the means to subsidize their own farmers compared to the massive subsidies handed out by the US and EU to theirs OR have an oligarchic elite that isn’t willing or is unable to see the strife of their own farmers. The documentary is aimed at this second group, who lives in an isolated bubble of their own crafting that seeks to separate them from the ‘undesired’ result of their neoliberal economic reforms. They simply seek to elevate themselves upon the crushed dreams of the millions of poor who are forgotten in the sifting wake of ossified moral compasses.

Why is it titled Nero's Guests?

Nero was an ancient Roman emperor who was known for his eccentricities and unusual acts that give hint of his mental health issues and massive retreats from sanity. He was prone to conduct some of the biggest parties ancient Rome had ever seen and often had spectacles that bordered and sometimes crashed through the limits of debauchery, voyeurism and decadent opulence. During one such party, so that his guests could view the wondrous magnificence of his gardens, Nero brought several slaves and fugitives and prisoners at night and burnt them alive for illumination, as human torches for dispelling the darkness. Tacitus, one of the most dispassionate historians of the time, wrote:

‘’(they) were doomed to the flames and burnt, to serve as a nightly illumination when daylight had expired. Nero offered his gardens for the spectacle.’’

What shocked Sainath wasn’t Nero’s cruelty. There have been several contenders throughout history who have contested for the crown of cruelty and humans are capable of inflicting much suffering upon their own, let alone other species. What bothered Sainath the most was the identity of Nero’s guests; what sort of sensibility did it require to pop another fig into your mouth as one more human being went up in flames nearby to serve as ‘a nightly illumination?’ These people were none other than the artistic, political and economic elite of Roman society. They were painters, sculptors, writers, senators, praetors, tribunes, merchants, plantation owners, and more… and all they did was to let the party to go on, singing and dancing, as the spectacle unfolded…

Are we any different? We, who live our lives with the same apathy and indifference about all the suffering that exists all around us and continue on without giving a thought to the countless millions who at this very minute are either starving or thirsty or about to end their lives for want of end of an eternal and loosing battle with the odds. Most of us, either due to evolutionary constraints or very simply because of social indifference, cannot extend our compassion and empathy beyond our line of sight. We are very limited beings, who live tempered lives on the edge of mortality making us short-sighted and conceited.

But silence is not the answer. It never is. Or else we’re condemned to the same histories as that of Nero’s guests who never raised a single protest, but laughed and sampled unrestricted desires whilst a fellow human being burned for want of illumination of their dark worlds.




Friday 30 January 2015

On Birthdays


The strangest thing about insights is, they come to you in the most anti-climactic way. I was wandering around the house and what occurred to me is, Birthdays aren’t about you at all. I always thought they were a dim affair of mundane tediousness and routine. To celebrate the day I was born into this planet with cake, confetti and candles seems moronic, if not petty! But then I realized, its not about me. Its about all those people who helped get me here. In my case, its mostly my parents who gave it their all to see to it that a child born with a congenital heart defect would live to see this beautiful and limitless universe. My mother who had to let go of the idea of having another child, which must be one of the most painful things for a parent, because she didn’t want another kid who’d take away her attention from me. My father who’d toil away at work but rushed immediately to school if one of my teachers told him I was feeling unwell. Those are the things we celebrate on birthdays. They are days we remind ourselves, that we are alive not simply because of ourselves. And that is true of orphans, people with divorced parents, single mothers/fathers, and any myriad of guardians that looked over us. Simply human kindness that defies logic, reason and evolution are the reason you and me are alive today. That is what we honour on birthdays. Our collective compassion, our collective altruism, and our collective humanity.

Happy Birthday! =)


Saturday 17 January 2015

Hankering For Constancy

One of the things I most dislike about me is my ability to lose interest in things over time. It’s rooted in the novelty of things wearing off, and slipping from a state of wonder to mundane routine. Like a child that is ecstatic on Christmas day to see that toy under the tree, starting to play with it immediately and repeatedly and slowly losing interest over it till new year's eve. But the most distressing of it’s instances are when it’s associated not with things, but people. People have stopped surprising me. I was watching Star Trek, and I envisioned what it’d be like – and how I’d never grow tired of looking out those starships and star-bases and seeing an ocean of stars around me. But then I began to ponder, what if even that magnificent vista would become boring one day?

I shudder in horror at the thought. Not that it matters because interstellar travel is still a stuff of dreams, and even if it does become reality, I probably won’t ever leave our little blue planet on account of my condition or even the human condition (hehe…). Nonetheless, this thought is driving me to the brink of insanity. Why can’t I appreciate people and things for longer amounts of time? Why do I give in to this urge to take things for granted? Why do I perish at the hands of augmented boredom?

It worries me that I’ll never have a long-term relationship because of it. Or a friendship that really pervades through time. People over time get cumbersomely predictable, things get boring and dull and the march of time makes all mundane.


I remember, sitting in my room in Ladakh, looking at those imposing mountains at the end of my stay of three months in that blissful land and even the majesty of it all, that had left me speechless when I'd arrived, was starting to wear off and becoming a little too routine. So in a way, I was glad to leave for I long for those mountains again! 

That longing, in itself, is a painful yet delicious treat in it’s own right. 




Saturday 3 January 2015

Chess


Chess is on my mind a lot tonight, simply because I came across a quote whilst watching 'Kingdom of Heaven' that reminded me of it earlier in the evening. In it the King Baldwin V says,

''The whole world is in chess. Any move can be the death of you. Do anything except remain where you started and you can't be sure of your end. None of us know our end really, or what hand will guide us there. A king, a father, may move a man. That man can also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game.'' 


One of the most sophisticated and time-investing games of all time, chess has an ability to bring out the tactical and strategic geniuses in people, if proper time and skills are devoted to its demanding ways. It’s a wonderful simulation of, not combat, but warfare and therefore is a game of brains, and not brawn. Yet it does have a confrontational nature about it that makes me uneasy. After all, simulating war is but a prelude to its actual execution. And like that powerfully unsettling quote from ‘’The West Wing’’ rings out, ‘’All wars are crimes.’’ It does leave a bitter taste in one’s mouth. In chess, like in war, there is a victor and a loser, where sometimes the victory is pyrrhic or the defeat devastating, or sometimes there’s a draw as both armies bleed each other to a stalemate.

But the nature of chess and it’s functionality and role in the modern world is that of a brain-sharpening tool and the gauge of your cognitive and intellectual capabilities. Perhaps, it is an unfair assumption, because like in other specialized tasks chess requires a specific set of skills that enable you to excel at it. Perhaps, you may not possess those skills but have other ones which still range within the categories of intellectual strengths. I personally, was quite fond of the game and adept at it too when I was younger, a boy of 8-9. I went to these chess classes that my parents earnestly got me into, and got quite good at it. It reminds me of our trip to Darjeeling, and that little chess adventure with a soldier. My parents often took me to different corners of India during the summer holidays, as the heat of Mumbai got unbearable. We would pack our bags, pick a destination and travel by the graces of the mighty Indian railways. This time, we decided to go to the eastern states of Bengal, and Sikkim – right on the Himalayan frontier with China. My grandparents decided to accompany us on this trip as well, and their presence made it all the more memorable.

As we boarded our train at the bustling and rumbling VT (now CST) station in downtown Mumbai, we laid out our luggage in the lower berths and I decided to nap away as I had been awoken with a good shaking in the early hours of dawn by my mother. This was so we would be able to board the train whose departures were always inconspicuously early – when the sun had yet to rise from it’s nocturnal ventures! As I compensated for my loss of sleep, I dreamt of the mighty mountains that awaited me – of whom I had no physical idea as I had only seen them in the movies and television shows. As I awoke from my Himalayan slumber, I saw a man dressed in the uniform of the armed forces occupying the berth on the other side of the aisle. He was a man in his thirties, with a short trimmed moustache, and a long stern face. His skin was a burnt shade of brown, like the wet soil after a tepid rain shower, and he had a slender yet athletic build. Ignoring him, I clambered down from my berth up top, and started bothering my parents to feed me with some form of nutrition, as I was want to do then, what with being a growing and pampered child. I used to love railway food, and so when my mother offered me some home-cooked snack she’d packed along, I promptly made it clear what I really wanted. After much deliberation she finally caved in, and stopped the little man from the pantry-car who was selling tomato soup. Those days, the tomato soup came in a Styrofoam cup for an affordable 1-2 Rs. There was a rustic deliciousness to this soup with its thick consistency that was sprayed with a healthy dollop of crushed pepper. I sipped at it with some trepidation at first, as it burnt my mouth even as I took small sips. But once it’d become a bit cooler I indulged in larger sips of its creamy goodness.

Once I had downed it in my tummy, its warmth insulated me against the coolness of the air-conditioning of the coach, which was getting a bit overwhelming now. So, I made myself busy by peering through the windows as the rural heartlands of India with its villages frozen in time, and small towns shaking off its apathy and slumber passed by. Yet, the swaths of civilization were still punctuated by some large and somehow surreptitious chunks of forests and woodland; untouched and pristine. Soon, rain started pattering upon the thick glass of the windows, and the steady drizzle soon turned into a torrential downpour, as the monsoons tend to.

The view completely blurred by the curtain of water, I turned my attention inwards to the compartment I was in. I walked past the soldier sitting across the aisle whilst indulging in some sort of snack which I didn’t notice, and moved towards the washrooms. People were huddled in groups on all the seats. Some with blankets wrapped around their bodies and toques decked on their heads. The whole wool and cotton show! As I opened the door of the compartment to pay a visit to the washroom, I was welcomed by a gush of warm wind, unperturbed by the incessant air-conditioning that I’d just left behind. But, I was rudely stopped by a rather large body that I bumped into head-first as soon as I opened the door. As I recovered from the shock, I was greeted by a rather kind face of an elderly man with a walrus moustache and a scowling pair of monstrous eyes. A bit scared, I stood behind him in utmost silence as the line inched forward. The transition from the cool air of the coach and the tepid breezes near the washroom made my bladder swell up for some reason, and what was earlier an exploratory mission quickly turned into an emergency! As I waited there, bouncing lightly whilst holding my crotch, the intimidating man in front of me saw that I had to go really bad, and pushed me ahead of himself and gave what appeared to be, a gentle smile! Never judge a book by it’s cover, I suppose.

The whole shindig in the washroom now over, I headed back to the comfort of my parents company. Once there, I asked my dad if we could play chess (I finally arrive at the point of this whole story!). I had been partaking in lessons at the Mulund gymkhana for a while now and I’d gotten pretty good. ‘Pretty good’ then meant the ability to beat my father, in any given event. Then I’d be a self-proclaimed master. Either way, I wanted to confirm my hegemony and that involved a constant round of games with my father, who willingly obliged.

We set the mat, which was lined with a thick coat of fur and had a vinyl top, lined by plastic and paper that could be rolled like a newspaper and laid out again. The pieces themselves were made out of porcelain, and I had grown quite fond of them. They shone and shimmered in the shaky light of the Indian Railways, and made for a majestic sight to my childish eyes. As I went about setting the pieces on the board, I examined each of them with a joy of undisturbed ecstasy. Those little joys hardly visit me any longer, but in the depths of my childhood they were constant companions. I went about setting the pieces on the mat that was swaying back and forth with the inertia of the railway carriage. Then I looked up at father, and said, ‘’Let’s play!’’

After choosing white, and a flurry of attacking moves later, I stood upon the field of victory. It was a tough battle and father had fought with fury and tact. Yet, the might of my combined Knight-Rook-Queen onslaught had been too much for his defenses and his King was cornered in the end. Gloating over my victory, I recommended a round two of the contest. My father gently declined, and went on about doing things fathers do. I was left to my own devices, and this meant a return to reading because no one was willing to play with me and my bloated ego. This is when the soldier sitting across from us spoke to us for the first time.

‘’Would you like to play with me beta?’’ he inquired, and I immediately looked to my father for his approval. He smiled and gave his permission, perhaps wondering if the contest would lead me to further glory or humility. My first feelings were that of excitement that I’d found someone who wanted to play with me, but they were soon replaced by an intense dread. It had just dawned on me, that he was an army man. Suddenly visions of him learning about the battles of yore came rushing to my head. He must’ve learnt of Hannibal’s brilliant envelopment at Cannae, and Rommel’s dash through the North African deserts and Alexander’s hammer-and-anvil at Gaugamela. He must’ve learnt about every military genius out there and I was to face their combined strategic genius on that board. Alas, back then I didn’t know how to distinguish the officers from the soldiers, and perhaps he was well read on all these issues, but looking back the probability seems mightily low. Nonetheless, my fear of him had crippled my initial cocky flair and I grew apprehensive of the whole affair. My normal advantages rested in my openings and so I had planned on a conservative opening to lull him into a false sense of security, but then I sensed something stir within me.

I felt a surge of reckless abandon coursing through my veins as it started swelling up in my brain and then rushed towards my fingers as I opened with a Stonewall Attack. I had remembered learning about it in my chess class, but had never completed it successfully. Yet I knew of it’s potency and it is a most aggressive and bold opening. As the name implies, the Stonewall setup is a solid formation which is hard to overrun by force. If Black fails to react energetically to the Stonewall setup, White may launch a lethal attack on the black king, typically by playing the knight from f3 to e5, advancing the g-pawn to drive away the defending black knight, and making a well-timed bishop sacrifice at h7 when White can bring one of the major pieces to the h-file.

(The Stonewall Attack)

My opponent had perhaps underestimated me, and therefore when he saw this child open with a Stonewall he was rather taken back. His traditional defenses, that he opened with, were looking increasingly vulnerable as my pieces inched towards his king. This is when he himself spun through a surprise that hit me really hard. He used the Stonewall variation of the Dutch defense and completely caught me off-guard! He made a move to maneuver both his bishops with a b6 and Ba6 aiming to trade off the dangerous white bishop on d3, and a kingside move with g7-g6 taking away my idea of attacking h7. An early development of his light-squared bishop to f5 also cut across my plans. I was on the verge of a crushing defeat.

Suddenly my bold gamble had led to a disarray on the board as a commensurate slaughter continued from both sides. But that was when I saw an opening towards checkmate. Back then, I never sacrificed my queen. I would sacrifice every other piece but I had this irrational attachment to the Queen and had lost many a game because I wasn’t ready to play her to her potential. That was the day when it changed. By now, the gripping game had captured the concentration of my parents, and my grandparents. My mother, who normally ignored the game was raptured as her son battled the army man in a slug-fest. Some of the fellow passengers from the adjacent berths too were looking on. The army man had grown a bit frustrated at what he had earlier thought was going to be a walk in the park.

Sensing his frustration, I realized he was seeking that death blow to cripple me completely. Therefore, I moved my Queen forward to entice his Knight into a killing blow. He sensed that the child had goofed up and immediately moved the Knight towards my Queen in a final onslaught to incapacitate me. Once he took the bait, my rooks sprang into action, and within three moves and the death of my Queen, had cornered his King into a surrender.

I looked up at him, and said ‘’Uncleji, check mate…’’ as the train chugged towards the mountains of my victorious dreams, teaching me the lesson of a necessary sacrifice.